and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
