so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
