can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
