OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
