I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
