Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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