I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
