my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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