I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
