i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your penis caused this!
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