you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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