the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
