My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
