Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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