So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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