he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
