Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
