ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
