The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
