apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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