we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
