I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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