he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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