My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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