i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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