I think my vagina is haunted
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
