dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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