i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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