I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
