I haven't been this sober since birth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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