The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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