Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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