im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
