I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
