I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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