I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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