I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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