Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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