watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
