Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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