I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
