How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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