Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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