addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
