she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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