I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My penis needs a shock collar
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
