my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
