Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dicks are not precious.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
