Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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