Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
