the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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