I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
