I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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