is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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