I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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