No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
