Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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