It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
