We're facebook friends in real life
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
