piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
