I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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