Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
