The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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