i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
