Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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