What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
