my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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