This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE