Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
