this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
