just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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