oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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