I am in a vortex of obligation.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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