I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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