the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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