i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
