im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
