he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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