he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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