don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
