BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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