Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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